A mature model

My birthday is on Sunday, which also happens to be Easter Day. Easter marks a time of renewal, so I take this to be the meaning of my birthday this year:  a new beginning. My friend Heloisa, tarot reader, is always going on about new beginnings, so she will be pleased to hear it.
This  is an in-between birthday, not one of those that mark the end of a decade and the beginning of another, it does not even mark half a decade. Still, I am making a big fuss over it, because my last two birthdays were filled with deep sorrow - I even got a birthday wish last year which said  'I hope you die in your sleep'. At the time it felt like receiving a kick in the stomach, I had never been the target of so much hatred.
So this birthday has got to be without tears, at least this is what I am aiming for.
I got  a cake, a vegan cake in fact, even though I am not a vegan, but I know a wonderful woman who makes special chocolate with organic ingredients and no sugar and I asked her to bake  me a cake. I just brought it home, it will be in the fridge for a day and it is absolutely mouthwatering. I have not had a birthday cake in years and my son was amazed and teased me about it and was even more amazed when I told him the cake was flourless and sugarless. Still, he has agreed to eat it and will even bring his girlfriend along to taste it - a lovely girl that looks uncannily like him (and I am not the only one that has noticed it!). The weather being so good, I can throw a small party in my nearest park and have asked a few friends to come along - those who have not left the country for a longish holiday that is, given that we are having a spate of Bank Holidays, four in less than two weeks, thanks to the Royal Wedding.

I will be taking portraits of my guests with my Bronica - at last I shall put it to good use. Before you ask, no nudes on this occasion.
Even though it is a small party it does take some effort to get it going and this is what I have been busying myself with the whole week, while also attending to other matters, like drafting my essay, doing my weekly DMP session at the hospital where I am doing my internship, marking papers, tidying up my bedroom and doing photo shoots - I hope you have noticed the new photos here and on deviantArt. A busy week indeed.
In the midst of all this, I got a call from a model agent I had not spoken with in a long time - we had some misunderstanding in the past. "We need a mature model" she says. "It's for a charity fashion show, you are the first person I thought of.  The show is on thursday next week. Will you do it?If so we need you for rehearsals and fittings asap". This needs some translating of course. She is desperate, cannot find anyone, the show is in a few days, everyone is away, I am the last person she would have contacted but beggars can't be choosers. For a moment I hesitated then I thought, why not, it is for charity, so yes, I will do it. Great, she says, my PA will liaise with you. Meaning: we dont have to talk to each other, someone else will do the needful. I find it amusing when people act this way. Normally she liaises with the models herself, I know that from experience, but clearly she is still hurt and can't bear to talk to me. It really must have been a huge effort for her to call me up.

Well, I am intrigued now by this label 'mature model'. With another birthday coming up to mark my moving further away from youth, I can't help wanting to stop for a moment to think about it. What is this maturity? I feel neither young nor old, I just feel myself. I feel renewed in the face of all the difficulties I have had to deal with until this point in my life. I feel empowered by my new career choice and the possibilities it has afforded me for my personal growth. Therapy has put me in touch with people who are truly in pain and it's wonderful to know I can make some difference to their lives. Whereas for the agent that phoned me mature model simply means "older", to me being mature means a lot more. Like being able to put to one side any personal animosity and agree to be part of a charity show which will raise money for a good cause.  Or being able to let go of grudges, because life is a precious gift that can be taken away from us any time, so why fill it with sorrow?

(All photos modelled by Alex B. and taken by Marcello Pozzetti)