I want to model for you

 Photographer: me Model: Melanie

Ever since I started taking photos and expressed an interest in the male nude (though not exclusively, as you can see from the photos accompanying this post) I have been approached by men who want to be photographed nude.
I have had offers from experienced male models, some of them about my age, some a lot younger - this post is not about them, please dont misunderstand. They are genuine models who have much to give, in terms of their experience and their artistic vision. If I have not yet arranged shoots with them  it is because I am involved in a hundred and one things myself and also I am STILL LEARNING. I would like to do justice to their look and their modelling skills, so I am waiting for a while longer before getting started.

This post is not about them but  about a different kind of model, would-be-model, I should say. First there are photographers out there who after taking pictures of nude women for years would now  like to try what it is like if someone takes nude pictures of them . They think a woman would be better at this, they feel too shy to undress and pose for a male photographer - these are  straight men, rather than gay. I find this quite puzzling, women dont usually have any shyness about revealing their nakedness to other women. What is this terrible angst that seems to grab men taking their clothes off before other men?

Photographer: me 

I totally believe their intention is very genuine, but somehow I feel uncertain about working with them. Here is my own anxiety surfacing. They may be quite out of touch with their bodies, which would make it a little awkward for me, at this stage. I also fear that in seeing me doing something that to them would seem like a mistake in handling the camera they would immediately jump in and try to take over the shoot, with suggestions on aperture and shutter speed, which angle I should position the camera etc. And that would not make me happy at all.  This is why I have for now postponed such shoots, even though I felt tempted to arrange a few. I feel I need to be a little more confident in my own technical knowledge to be able to say politely but firmly "I really would like to try this. It is my photo shoot after all and I want to understand why this works/does not work". If you are reading this you will know who you are. No offense please, pretty please. I just need more time, this is what is holding me back.

Then there are the messages sent by men, approaching maturity,  who have never modelled before and want to try modelling as a kind of therapy, to help them overcome their own inhibitions and their lack of confidence about their own attractiveness. In principle this is fine, but I am the wrong photographer for it.  I am learning my craft, making mistakes, experimenting. In order to make someone who feels awkward about their body look good you need to know how to work very competently with light. You need technical expertise. These would-be models would benefit enormously from working with an experienced photographer, either male or female, to whom they would most likely have to pay a fee - and what's wrong with that? Women who have never modelled but would like to try a shoot to boost their confidence do something along these lines, there are a few photographers out there who specialise in this kind of service, I recently discussed Jane Lancashire's work,  so she is one to try. Maybe there is a gap in the market, enterprising photographers should take note.

But no, they come to me, with the idea of doing  a TF shoot.

I will be extremely blunt. I am not interested in that kind of images and that kind of work for now, not for a TF shoot. I want other images in my portfolio. Later, when I feel I can deliver good images, I might take up this line of work, but not now.So I am politely but firmly declining all such offers.

This has made me realise that many men reach middle age and have lots of hang ups about their bodies and their attractiveness, just like women do.  Whereas women do have a support network offered by other women, men probably do not discuss such matters with other men. Please correct me if I am wrong.

I also find the way I am being approached to be quite interesting. I am a mature model, I modelled when I was younger but really started in earnest in my forties - I am talking about my photographic work. I took up modelling, commercial modelling that is, for extra cash. I then got involved in art nude and loved it and did not do it just for the money, though I certainly don't mind being paid a fee. I have approached many photographers, at one point or another  in order to be photographed by them. Some of these photographers may well be my age but it never occurred to me to say I wanted them to take pictures of me because they were my age! yet this is the first thing that these men write i.e. I am asking you because you are in my same age group, so you would understand.

No, I dont understand. It does not work like that, not for me.  For a start I have no anxiety about my body, I  would not be able to model if I did.

Photographer: Adam Hayter. Models: myself and Cole

Earlier I was talking about my would be models  with my analyst, who is a Lacanian. We were discussing the Phallus and the Semblant, and how by taking up photography I am working with a symbolic appropriation of the Phallus. I certainly like the idea of turning the male gaze over its head, see for instance the exhibition put on by Sita Mae, in the Bay area, called "Man as Object: Reversing the gaze",
Something to take up for further discussion in another post.