Fake nails? No thank you

Photographer: Nagib El-Desouky
On Sunday I was shooting a fashion film directed by Marie Schuller from Showstudio.  I wore an incredible number of outfits, including a number by Paco Rabanne, with a final scene in which my naked body, adorned with jewellery  is reflected in broken mirrors - I wore a real diamond for that. A good experience, definitely.
But what I will always remember about this shoot is the long, pointy, fake nails I had to wear. I had never had fake nails fitted prior to this shoot and had absolutely no idea of the problems it would cause me. I am a short nail person. I use my fingertips constantly. But with those nails it was as if the tips of my fingers had been chopped. Such a weird feeling! It slowed me down tremendously.
I had to have the nails fitted on Saturday, the art director booked an appointment for me at a Wah Nails parlour for 5.30 pm . I had made plans for the evening, I wanted to travel to South London for an evening of improvisation scheduled at the Siobhan Davies Studio - some people known to me were performing there. A friend laughed when I told her I had to have an inch long nails fitted "Wait till you have those nails on, you may find it difficult to do things" she said. "Why? I will wear gloves and noone will see them".  She laughed even louder."Gloves? No way!"
When I saw the nails at the parlour I nearly fainted. How was I going to do anything at all with those claws? I suddenly was made aware of  the countless gestures we perform everyday from washing, doing up buttons, opening doors, even fishing out keys from  hand bags - I just could do nothing.

Photographer: Nagib El-Desouky
I cancelled my plans for the evening and went home feeling incredibly uneasy about these claws attached to my fingers. Miraculously I had my Oyster card in a pocket and was able to travel back home on the underground daintily sliding it out of the pocket, holding it between my thumb and index finger knuckles. I arrived home, thankfully my son was in. I sighed in great relief because it meant I would not have to search for my house key in my handbag. So I pressed the buzzer with a knuckle but I put too much pressure on it and it got stuck, making a racket with its continuous buzzing sound. Immediately my son opened the kitchen window - we live on the first floor - and began to shout "Oy you what the f...ck d'you think you're doing?" believing I was some kid playing a prank.
"It's me" I said - by then other neighbours had appeared at windows. "What's the matter with you? I have heard you" he retorted in complete disbelief "The button is stuck" I shouted amidst the noise.  "Unstick it, the door is open" I had obviously torn him away from watching a football match because he spoke in a most belligerant tone. "I can't,  I have long nails". As I said this I could see he positively thought  I was raving mad. But he came down and unstuck the buzzer. Our neighbours had disappeared indoors, probably laughing their heads off.
Things got worse. My son went out, after mumbling something about the silliness of it all and I was left to my own devices.  Even removing my contact lenses was a major ordeal.
On sunday morning I was an hour late for the shoot, it just took me so long to shower and get myself dry. On location things were easy, there was a team of people from stylist to MUA and various others, whose help I enlisted to fetch things - there was even someone who helped me to get dressed and helped with the shoes! At the end of the shoot I cut off those horrid nails but the ordeal was not over. They were so stuck to my real nails the only way to remove them was to go to the parlour again and have it done by a nail technician. Which I did yesterday.

I dont know how other women manage but no, I cannot wear long fake nails. I wrote about it on FB and a friend commented that the whole point of having them is not to do anything at all with one's hands. Unfortunately I do not have a whole retinue surrounding me to fetch me things. And I quite enjoy typing away  on my keyboard, thank you very much.
Long fake nails? No thanks, not for me.

(All photos modelled by Alex B.)

Comments

  1. it's artifice, pretense, like your armpits shaved...

    http://lesrondssouslesbras.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had fake nails YEARS ago for a while. I hated them as I use my hands way to much, and don't "baby" them. I'll never have them again. I was crippled as well Alex.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Believe it or not, I know what you're talking about. I've worn fake nails for Halloween. I truly don't know how women with long nails function at all. I knew one that could actually play the piano with nails that long. I don't know how she did it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I keep my nails short so I can play my musical instruments, especially the piano. But I've known women violinists who wear long nails on their right (bowing) hands even though they had to keep the nails on their left (fingering) hands short! Arrrgh! Among the most useless and crippling fashion statements ever made, along with spike heels and panty hose. (Well, panty hose isn't crippling, but you know what I mean! :) )

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've always been curious about fake nails but working with paint doesn't allow pretty nails, even if they're made of plastic. :/ Sorry to hear you had a very uncool time! Short nails are pretty too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts. In hindsight I can say the nails were pretty only I was not able to adjust to wearing them like that. Some other time perhaps

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment