Modelling without vanity

Ella and I. Models: myself and Ella Rose. Photographer: Mark Bigelow

I was browsing this morning and came across a great article penned by model and writer Ella Rose for Modelmayhem. It was about modelling, vanity and self awareness, the latter being what Ella Rose identifies as a prerequisite for good modelling.
I totally agree with Ella Rose, with whom, by the way, I had the great pleasure of working, collaborating on a shoot for Mark Bigelow, one of my favourite photographers. The self awareness Ella Rose discusses is what I would call being embodied, which is what I try to be all the time, whether I am modelling or not.
A while ago I watched the series of short films made by Nick Knight for ShowStudio about the history of fashion modelling as told by the models involved. One of them was with supermodel and Cambridge graduate Lily Cole, whom Nick asked whether modelling was a skill that could be taught. Lily replied that intuitively she would say modelling is a skill, but no one teaches you (apart from walking on the runway and to be honest, judging from recent performances at GFW, I believe that agencies are no longer employing good catwalk trainers but, as usual, here I am digressing).
Yet, somehow, models do develop modelling skills. And the first thing they learn is to look at their own photos without any thought of whether they look good in them or not. It is something you just have to learn to do, the sooner the better or modelling will simply be too much for you to handle.
I remember when I first started modelling how I would hate certain pictures of me because they 'made me look ugly' and would beg the photographers involved not to use them. No fat chance of doing that when the photo was for a commercial shoot. But for art nude or portfolio shoots models can ask nicely and many do. However, I stopped doing it a long time ago. I just look at the picture as objectively as I possibly can, notice what does not work and remember that for the next time round - as Ella Rose points out, some angles work, some don't.
These days there is the additional instagram picture that needs to be accounted for. Some are horrendously lit, but there is nothing you can really do, except shrug it off as an instagram picture. I happened to complain to a photographer about one of such recent instagram pictures of mine that a blogger took - she was actually being extremely nice to me and putting that picture on her blog was a lovely gesture. Except that the picture vexed me no end. I felt uncomfortable about still having such feelings, after so many years of modelling. I realised I was being vain. Part of me wanted to contact the blogger and politely ask her to remove the photo, offering a different one taken from my portfolio. Part of me, my wiser self, was definitely against taking such a step. Then I showed the picture to this photographer friend, and what he said was not, as I had expected, 'you look awful', but 'how did she manage to select such a horrible spot for the picture? It's so dim! you can't even see your hair'. At that moment I realised he was looking at the picture, not me. As one should. Of course I immediately abandoned any idea I had entertained about contacting the blogger to remove the picture and felt a lot better.

Ella and I. Models: myself and Ella Rose. Photographer: Mark Bigelow

Vanity does you great disservice as a model. It comes in the way of a good result. Self awareness, being totally embodied is what does the trick. I sometimes treat the camera as a lover and always with respect. Please note, the camera, NOT the photographer, I am a firm believer in boundaries when I work (but of course I do treat photographers with respect!). The camera represents all the people that are going to look at my photograph. What do I want them to see? How should I interact with them? They are my audience. The photographer is there to help me to convey a certain mood, a certain expression, he (or she) has control over the composition. But my performance is very much my own, how I emote is my own doing and the sooner I abandon ideas of looking 'good', the better.
When I was younger, at one of my dance classes, my teacher totally forbade me to look at myself in the mirror and positioned me with my back against it, because I kept looking at my own image and did not feel the movement at all. I had to be able to feel whether my posture was right and where my limbs were. 'There are no mirrors on stage' she would tell me. Somehow this piece of advice stayed with me and when as a beginner model I was told to practise poses in front of the mirror I never did. Instead I practised some poses 'feeling' them. I then worked with one or two photographers that absolutely hated any hint of conventional posing, asking me to be 'myself'. It always makes me laugh when I hear it because I am never 'myself' and always 'myself'. But I know what they are after when they ask me that, they want something understated and a real connection with the camera.  It may take several shots before it comes. And when it does, that's it, that's the shot. It is a great feeling for everyone involved.

Ella and I Models: Ella Rose and myself. Photographer: Mark Bigelow

What about modelling for visual artists? There are differences and similarities. First of all there is never any expectation, on my part, of a true likeness. Sometimes the people that draw me are not very experienced so they will inevitably get my proportions wrong. Or they will see different things in my face and in my body. For me, as a model, the main thing is to be able to hold the pose for the required length of time, so I need to choose something that can be held without being very uncomfortable and also interesting enough to encourage drawing. Once again self awareness or the sense of being embodied is the key and vanity should be left behind, as it does interfere.
As Ella Rose says, there will always be 'ugly ' pictures of oneself floating around. But after a while that sense of being ugly will evaporate. They are after all just pictures and a few years down the line, you will be glad to have them.