When friends cross a line



Euthanasia, sometimes referred to as assisted dying,  is a controversial issue. It is illegal in countries such as the UK but admissible in the Netherlands (Dutch residents only) and a carefully worded provision is also in place in Italy, but only in very particular and most extenuating circumstances.  It is however practised in Switzerland and even non-Swiss nationals and people not residing in Switzerland can avail of it, through organisations like Dignitas. The only requirement is that they should be members and sign a document in which they affirm that they do not wish to have their life prolonged, listing a number of scenarios.
An acquaintance of mine - let's call her Becky  - currently living in the UK , still relatively young, in very good health and very clearly in possessions of all her mental faculties, absolutely not depressed and living her life with zest,  recently decided to join Dignitas, in the event she might find herself in the position where 'dying with dignity' would be her only option.  The way she put it was that it was like writing a will: you do not write a will because you want to die immediately, you write it because you are aware you might die at any point in time and you wish to make some provision for your loved ones.  At least that's the idea.
As Becky  lives in the UK it was necessary for her signature to be witnessed - it is not necessary in Switzerland, but since she is not Swiss she had to do it - so she asked a close friend of hers, let's call her Amanda,  to be her witness. Apparently Amanda  refused and became very angry with Becky for wanting to take such a step. She  told her that she (Becky)  had not understood the import of the document she was signing, that the person Becky had appointed as executor wished her ill, that she had no right to think about ending her life even if she was suffering and there was no chance of  recovery. "Your life is not yours to do as you wish" she told her. This angered  Becky who nevertheless tried very hard to calm Amanda  down, explaining that all she was after was her signature as a witness, she was not imposing her decision on anyone else and she had perfectly understood what the form said, thank you. It made no impact.
Yesterday  Becky called me  to ask me to witness her signature, to which I readily agreed. When she told me this story I did not know whether to laugh or cry. She and Amanda  - now no longer her friend, or at least not a close one -  were in a restaurant when all this happened and ended up having a flaming row, in between courses, while the waiters tiptoed around them,  wishing they would leave. I could just picture the scene. They had even exchanged Christmas presents.  "The last straw" she said "was when Amanda blurted out  that I was doing this because I had not found the love of my life.  If I had I would not be thinking about this. And I always believed Amanda was an intelligent woman". I agreed with Becky that it was a very stupid and inconsequential thing to say.   However when people are angry and running out of arguments they may say very silly things. The best thing is to stop and leave. "I did" said Becky. "I thought that mad woman would be grabbing my form and rip it. I took it back from her, paid my bill and left".
There is much food for thought in this story. First of all, like I said, euthanasia is controversial and perhaps Becky should have asked first how her friend felt about it. You do not expect Remainers and Brexiteers to agree on anything, so don't expect someone dead against euthanasia to support your decision to implement it, even if all they have to do is witness your signature. Then there are these absurd misconceptions that a woman can only find happiness if she finds a man, which is what Amanda ended up saying. I will not even begin to comment on this, it is utterly ridiculous. Third I think it is very wise that people should make their desires and preferences known in case of death and make a will if they have assets and even make known their preferences for their funeral - for example I want to be cremated and do not want anyone at my funeral, when the time comes, and that's that, no crocodile tears and falsities, though I also know once I am dead I will not be in a position to decide anything, death has finality.  Fourth,  if people wish to 'die with dignity' so be it. It's a preference. Fifth,  I believe that friends , if they are true friends,  should be respectful and be aware that  lines must not be crossed.  It is a matter of style and true elegance.
Anyway, Becky now has her form duly signed and witnessed - she came round this morning to do it  and has  sent it off. She is already planning her next trip somewhere exotic  and is certainly not thinking about dying at all, she has not signed to be taken to a booth and be given a lethal injection, it really does not work like that. As to Amanda, it will be a while before Becky feels ready to forgive and forget, which she eventually will, as she does not bear grudges for long. 
And the bottom line is: despite all Amanda's  remonstrances Becky is going to do exactly as she pleases.  Should Amanda not have saved her breath?



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