The art of giving a reference

Photographer: me

References are needed by people for jobs or  to go on courses or to apply for funding and such like. They are a way to check on someone's character, aptitude, and in general, employability and/or trustworthiness as a collaborator.
When someone is asked to give a reference this can indeed be a tricky thing. There is an etiquette of reference giving and I would also say that giving a reference is an art.
As a model I get references from photographers I have worked with and also give references for and to photographers.  Sites like Purestorm, Net-model and Model Mayhem have a whole section for references. Sometimes these references you read on these sites are perfunctory - hardly anyone gives 'public' bad references, everyone is always amazing, if you read the ones that have been left about me you'd think I am the epitome of class and elegance!  However, some of these 'public' references need to be read carefully - the way they are worded will give you a clue as to whether in fact, amidst all that praise, another reality is lurking. When in doubt, one should contact the person that has given the reference to find out more, in private. This is particularly important for models who need to check whether a photographer is a professional person (in attitude and behaviour) or just a GWC.
Bad references however should also be taken cum grano salis. Disgruntled collaborators have been known to give bad references in private to damage the other party's reputation or just for the sake of being nasty - believe me, there are people who are spiteful by nature and who enjoy saying something nasty.

Photographer: me

I remember I once asked a former tutor of mine to write a letter of reference to an educational trust, as I had applied for a small grant. He readily agreed to write the letter for me when I asked him, and I remember having a long conversation with him at his office explaining what I wanted to do and giving him a copy of my project proposal. He had to write the letter and give it to me, in a sealed envelope, to attach to my application form. Some days later  I went along to collect the letter, after making an appointment to meet him,  and something in the way he gave me the envelope stopped me in my tracks. He was affable and even encouraging, saying things such as "I hope you get this, it is such a lovely idea". But something told me that things were not what they seemed to be.
On my way home I did the 'unthinkable'. I opened the envelope and read the letter. The reference was worded in such a way that it was meant to discourage the  committee from  considering my application any further.
I was really angry. Not because he did not believe in my project and my ability to deliver it, that was his prerogative, but because he had agreed to write a letter to support it, only to go behind my back and write a negative reference altogether. Why, I kept on wondering, why be so sneaky? What was the point? He ought to have declined to write the letter. I promptly tore up the reference and asked someone else to do it and I did a good thing, as I got the funding eventually, though not as much as I had asked for.

And I did another 'unthinkable' thing. I confronted this man. I emailed him saying that I had read the reference and would not forward it, thank you very much for writing it. He was furious, apparently I had broken an important rule, that of confidentiality. He never spoke to me after that incident, it's now been nearly fifteen years - mind you, I also left that college in 2002 and never went back.
As part of my day job I have written a great many references for students and former students. My policy is to decline writing a letter of reference if I dont feel I can say something really good about the person. I have also written references as a model. If, as a model, I am asked about a photographer I am not happy with, I now simply say "I dont feel I can recommend this person, my experience has not been positive" And I leave it at that, no details. I have learnt the hard way that it is better not to say any more.
What's the phrase? If you cannot say anything nice, dont say anything at all.
Silence however can  speak volumes.

(More of my own photographic work can be seen here, as also my modelling work)