On alignment

Photographer: Maya Alice Art. Model: me

Today's post is short and sweet.
I have been thinking a lot about alignment of late. Not just in relation to my body, which is my number one commitment and priority- I will discuss this in another post -but generally, about the way I go through life.
Alignment: I align to people's energy, their thinking, their feelings (or I do not), we all do it, it's what happens when we make friends, when we are at work, when we fall in love, and in every relationship that we form, even if it is a brief phone call to chase up the order we placed with x company - even in such situations we are still interacting with someone, we can sense their humanity behind the business speak and we choose to align (or not) , albeit briefly, with them.  Life is about relating, connecting, but also about disconnecting and moving on, because nothing ever stands still. How we  manage alignment and non-alignment are key and most of us do not do it consciously. This is what I have learnt to do. When I feel I am no longer aligned with something or someone, when I feel overwhelmed by a sense of awkwardness and discomfort, I consider whether it is time to move on. It does not mean this leads to a massive fall out - I have been through a few of those several times, I used to have a penchant for drama.

Selfie

These rows are most unpleasant and draining, usually the result of ignoring any mis-alignment and dissonance when I first perceived them. Moving on may simply be a subtle inner change in attitude, but it is an acknowledgment to oneself of the need for a different fit.
Ever wondered why someone you meet briefly but periodically, maybe at work, or at your local gym club, and with whom you interact most politely, makes you feel really uncomfortable? There is nothing on the surface to justify the discomfort, which may even weigh you down physically. But you feel the awkwardness of the interaction, even a greeting can be difficult to utter and you feel totally confused. You just wonder why and ask yourself if you have done something wrong, if you have ever said anything out of place. You just feel it. It's simple: yours and that person's energy are not aligned. Just realising that this is what it is, provides you with a way to detach, emotionally. You don't have to avoid them, or worse, confront them because there is nothing to confront, it is an emotion, a feeling. Just breathe and feel detached. There is nothing wrong in not being in alignment with this or that person. It just is.

From the music video Epitaph, 2011  by Chino Moya. Video here

On other occasions you may need to remove yourself from a situation that does not fit and there is no point in hanging on. I once joined a course for which I had to invest a lot of money and time and which I had to justify attending to my then employers, who had to give me permission to take time off to attend classes. I had to jump through hoops to enrol. Then the first day of term came and I knew from the moment I walked into the classroom that it was not right for me. I totally ignored the alarm bells and did what was expected. It took me two years, many tears, a feeling of dread that enveloped me every time I had to go to class, for which I was always late, and overcoming a sense of great shame for being 'fickle', not to mention a series of rows, to find the courage to end it a year earlier, in the full knowledge that it was not what I either needed or wanted. If I had removed myself earlier, I would not have wasted so much money. I stayed just for the piece of paper - I knew I could get a certificate after two years, a diploma after three. I stayed because a former partner told everyone that flighty as I was, I would drop out within two months and I desperately wanted to prove him wrong. The certificate is in a drawer, somewhere. Never used it. If I learnt anything out of that experience is that when you know you have to leave and disengage, you should follow your heart. And what others think should not rule your life.
Well, I said it was going to be short and sweet, did not do too well in this respect, so here's where it must end. Comments always appreciated, you can use an alias.